The Connection Between Borderline Personality Disorder and the Stare

Those who struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are already well aware of the intense and unstable emotions, impulsive behavior, distorted self-image, and unstable relationships typically associated with the mental illness. However, one of the lesser-known symptoms of BPD is the "stare"—a piercing and intense gaze that can be unsettling for others. While the stare is not a diagnostic criterion for BPD, it is often reported by people with BPD and can be a sign of emotional dysregulation.

Luckily, as a leading expert in the online treatment of mental disorders, Grouport is uniquely equipped to dissect this common phenomenon. Read on to learn more about the outward appearance of BPD, what it means, and how you can achieve a greater degree of control over symptoms.

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What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

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Borderline Personality Disorder is a potentially severe mental illness that affects approximately 1.6% of adults in the United States. People with BPD experience intense and unstable emotions, difficulty regulating emotions, impulsivity, and self-destructive behavior. They may have an unstable sense of self and experience intense fear of abandonment, which can lead to intense and volatile relationships.

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BPD is often co-morbid with other mental health diagnosis, including depression, anxiety, substance use disorders, and trauma-related conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

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What is the BPD Stare?

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The BPD stare is a piercing and intense gaze that can be unsettling for others. The stare can be triggered by emotional distress, anxiety, or anger, but these intense emotions can be difficult for others to interpret or respond to. Many people with BPD report experiencing this themselves, often in association with emotional dysregulation.

When observed by outsiders, the stare might be described as:

• A blank or cold expression
• An unblinking or fixed gaze
• A feeling of anxiety, anger, fear or other forms of emotional intensity

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The Link Between Borderline Personality Disorder and the Stare

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While "the stare" is not in the diagnostic and statistical manual for BPD, it is often reported by people with it. The stare can be triggered by emotional distress, anxiety, or anger and can be a way for people with BPD to communicate their emotions. It can also be a sign of unaddressed childhood abuse and childhood maltreatment reading its head.

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Here are some common links between BPD and staring:

• Emotional Dysregulation: Not everyone has the ability to filter intense emotions properly, and when they become to overwhelming, this state of internal chaos is often masked by an outwardly blank or intense expression.
• Anger or Anxiety Response: When intense emotions are triggered by stress, the stare can be a nonverbal way of expressing them without becoming too overwhelmed or hostile.
• Fear of Abandonment: Fear of abandonment is a hallmark of BPD, which is why some may use the stare as an unconscious way to maintain connection, assert presence, or prevent perceived withdrawal.
• Need for Validation or Control: Many people with BPD struggle with self harm and suicidal behavior—often as a silent plea for attention, understanding, or control in relationships. This same logic can be applied to the stare, though to a lesser degree.
• Dissociation: The stare can also capture dissociation—a detachment from emotions or surroundings—that results in a frozen or vacant facial expression.

Learn More About BPD

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Managing the Stare in BPD

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While the stare is usually a coping mechanism people with BPD may or may not be aware of, it can be unsettling for others. This further exacerbates the communication issues people with BPD struggle with. However, some strategies can help manage the stare and improve communication.

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1. Acknowledge the Stare Calmly

Once you realize your loved one has symptoms, one strategy is to acknowledge the stare and its intensity. By acknowledging the stare, you can show that you know the other person's emotional state and create a more open and honest dialogue. It's also important to remain calm and non-confrontational, as the stare can signify anxiety or anger.

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2. Practice Active Listening

Another strategy is to practice active listening. Listening without interrupting or judging is important when communicating with someone with BPD. Reflect on what the other person is saying to show you understand and validate their feelings. Active listening can help build trust and empathy and create a more harmonious relationship.

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3. Encourage Professional Support

Lastly, it's important to seek help from mental health professionals. BPD is a complex disorder that requires specialized treatment, including therapy and medication. By seeking help from a mental health professional, people with BPD can learn how to regulate their emotions and manage the stare and other symptoms.

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Why Empathy Matters

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The stare is a lesser-known symptom of BPD, but it can be a sign of emotional dysregulation and fear of abandonment. By acknowledging the stare, practicing active listening, and seeking help from mental health professionals, people with BPD and their loved ones can manage it and improve communication. It's important to remember that the stare is not intentional and is often a sign of emotional distress. With patience, understanding, and support, people with BPD can learn how to regulate their emotions and build healthy relationships with others.

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Consider Online BPD Therapy

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If you or a loved one is struggling with BPD, seeking help from a mental health professional is important. BPD is a complex disorder that requires specialized treatment, including therapy and medication. With the right treatment, people with BPD can learn how to manage their symptoms and improve their overall quality of life. It's also important for loved ones to educate themselves about BPD and to practice self-care to avoid burnout and stress.

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Luckily, online therapy with Grouport is accessible for everyone. Forget the long commutes, high costs, or limited availability of local therapists that can contribute to negative BPD symptoms. Instead, enjoy online therapy that removes obstacles. Other benefits of online therapy include:

• Flexible scheduling – BPD sessions can be arranged at times that fit into busy lifestyles.
• Greater choice of therapists – BPD patients can choose whatever therapist they like based on personality and how debilitating symptoms are.
• Lower costs – Online therapy is often more affordable than traditional therapy, and many platforms offer subscription-based pricing or sliding-scale fees.
• Increased privacy – Some people feel more at ease discussing personal issues in an online setting rather than a physical office.

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Grouport Offers BPD Group Support Online & DBT Skills Groups Online

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Grouport Therapy offers online Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) group sessions to support individuals coping with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

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At Grouport, we believe that internal hurt and suffering is best healed by mindfulness, acceptance, self-awareness, and emotional regulation. These pillars help reduce destructive behaviors and strengthen interpersonal connections.

Our virtual group sessions provide members with a variety of effective psychotherapy techniques, including DBT, enabling them to engage with others and express themselves more effectively. You can learn more about the structure of our DBT Skills groups here. 

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‍Our qualified therapist conducts weekly group meetings remotely, allowing members to participate from the comfort of their own homes. As reported by participants, 70% witnessed significant progress within 8 weeks.

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‍You don't need to confront these obstacles by yourself. Enroll in one of our groups today to embark on a path toward substantial, enduring transformation and renewed optimism. Become part of our community and collaborate towards a more promising future.

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‍‍Explore All of Grouport’s Services

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At Grouport, you can explore several beneficial treatments for those struggling with BPD—among many other mental health disorders. Whether you need personalized, individual attention for anxiety, or want to reflect with a supportive PTSD group, we have a research-backed service to fit your needs:

• Online Individual Therapy: One-on-one virtual sessions with licensed therapists for personalized support with BPD symptoms, all based on your schedule. Pricing starts at $112/session.
• Online Group Therapy: Starting at just $35/session, therapist-led groups for BPD, anxiety, depression, PTSD, and more. Our groups are either public or closed, depending on the type of therapy. 
• Couples Therapy: If BPD is impacting your romantic relationship, consider a joint couples therapy treatment that addresses both the fear of abandonment and communication—starting at $123/session.
• Family Therapy: Many families also struggle to maintain healthy relationships with a member who has BPD, making therapy a core aspect of recovery. Start your family therapy for BPD at just $35/session.
• Teen Therapy: If your teen is struggling academically or socially, BPD may be the cause. Starting at $112/session, learn how we can tailor our teen therapy programs to those struggling with the disorder.

Want something more self-guided? Consider our DBT Self Guided Program. Learn Dialectical Behavior Therapy tools to manage emotions, reduce conflict, and improve relationships.